By Popular Demand, My Brief Thesis on...

LESBIAN STANDARD TIME! ©

Many of you, my friends and readers, have wondered why it is that lesbians in general seem to have a certain sense of time - different than boring-ass Heterosexuals. Because of this confusion, I shall attempt to explain how LST (Lesbian Standard Time) © works.

Events than normally take a longer period of time for heterosexuals, like meeting someone, dating, spending the night together, marriage, divorce, remarriage, divorce and remarriage, take a relatively short amount of time for lesbians. If you have dated a woman more than once, and I mean - count 'em - two dates, you are in a serious, committed relationship. It is possible to fall in love after a whopping 3 dates and to move in after 4 (or both if you've had a great night at a lesbian club).

Couples who are together for 5 years have reached their Silver Anniversary, and should be given lavish gifts. Rarely, couples will make it to their Golden Anniversary, 10 years in mere heterosexual time.

Okay, next... LST © also applies when getting ready for a date or when meeting someone at a club/bar/restaurant, but in an entirely different fashion. When a lesbian says, "I'll be there at 8-ish" what she really means is "I want you to wait for me starting at 8:00, but I will probably arrive around 9:30 and make a grand entrance" or "I will call you at 8:30 and tell you I can't make it, but have a good time." LST© is also directly corrolated with "Lorene Standard Time", obvious referrences avoided...

Feel free to ask questions and I will try and ez'plain the nuances of such a detailed time zone.