Thursday, July 04, 2002

See!! I Told You!!!!
excerpts from... The 24 things you never knew about single lesbians
Dany Johnson,

Let us examine that rare and exotic creature — the single lesbian. According to popular belief, lesbian couples shack up immediately after reaching their first orgasms together. This old stereotype has some basis in truth.

Back in the olden days, you might walk into your local bar and see the same three women sitting on the same three barstools every week. With such slim pickings, what are you gonna do?

Luckily, all this has changed. The dyke dating pool has grown by leaps and bounds. Scientifically speaking, it is said that lesbians generally engage in serial monogamy, with periods of serial single-osity in between. Our informal research has uncovered many fun and surprising facts about today's single lesbian. We have discovered that single lesbians…

Concoct the sexiest usernames for their free member profile.
Are very politically active. Meetings, rallies, community events — they're always running things.
Work out at the gym frequently, wearing body-conscious clothing.
Are likely to decorate their cars with rainbow accessories and off-color bumperstickers.
Spend their summers playing in five different softball leagues.
Cruise the WNBA games — Dyke Central!
Have occasional or frequent one night stands, sometimes with the ex.
Hit the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival or the Dinah Shore Classic with a carload of pals — and look for the first opportunity to ditch them!
Spend countless hours engaged in a quick search to find the perfect date.
Hang out at organic food stores. A high percentage of vegetarian lezzers makes the food coop the perfect place to meet unattached women.
Keep their wardrobes up to date. They're well put together and hot.
Sport lots of attractive tattoos and piercings. They get a new one each time they break up with someone.
Go to bars and clubs alone. They're more approachable that way.
Have a higher sex drive than married lesbians.
Frequent the magic store to stock up on "Call Me" incense and "Domination" floor wash.
Meet girls via their pets. The local dog run is always chock full of gays and lesbians. The single lesbian's favorite dog breeds are the pitbull and the Jack Russell terrier.
Always wear cute underwear, just in case.
Sleep with more cats than women. The average ratio is seven feline bed partners to every one human.
Often participate in fandom for such dykons as Angelina Jolie or that woman from ER.
Socialize more during June, Gay Pride month, than any other time of the year. Pride events bring non-stop dating opportunities.
Have extensive music and video collections. The perfect pretense for inviting someone over.
Love to workshop their writing, their acting, their genitals, whatever! If you do a workshop, they will come.
Know they don't have to settle for just anyone. Today's single dyke can afford to be as choosy as she wants to be.

There ya are, ladies. I am not crazy!


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