Monday, August 30, 2004

Charm Bracelets and BBQ

“Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals.”
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This was the fortune cookie I received in my lunch on Friday, and how appropriate it was. It pretty much sums up the weekend nicely.

Friday night, we picked up my wedding ring from the jeweler (had the prongs fixed) and walked around Cottonwood Mall. Lindi picked up a couple new X-box games and I got a guide for my Matrix game. Maybe I’ll be able to play it! We ate Mall Food for dinner, nutritious and healthy for sure, then ran home and the two of them played games while I began to read “The Five People You Meet in Heaven.” That seems to be the usual – they play and I sit with them in the living room and read. It’s a weird sort of family time, but it works for us.

Saturday morning was the first morning in days I was able to sleep past 6am, and I was pleased as punch. I snoozed, laid in bed, watch TV, and realized that I was not on any painkillers, muscle relaxants, even a lidocaine patch. I was quite pleased with myself.

I got up and baked two cakes – the first, a double layer Devil’s food (just for Toni) and the second, a triple layer checkerboard cake with raspberry filling and cream cheese frosting. Both cakes were for the wonderful annual MEAT FEST to be held at the Netzler’s home.

In the midst of baking fury, my sister dropped by with my AVON – and my charm bracelet watch! I was able to put all my personalized charms on the band AND have a watch at the same time. It is really cute. And so is my sister.

Lindi got home from work (late and tired) and decided it probably wouldn’t be a good idea to be social that evening, so I went stag, but I wasn’t short of company. The whole crew was there (sans Chet – get better!) and I enjoyed chatting with everyone. The food was SPECTACULAR, very tender pork, chicken and beef, juicy bratwurst and wonderful ‘Toni Signature’ Tuna Salad and Potato Salad. The cakes tasted good, but the checkerboard cake didn’t survive the trip very well – it was pretty messed up. But it was half gone by the time I left, so that’s a compliment. Dana made some wonderfully rich brownies that were amazing, and I’m sorry I didn’t grab a couple for my sweetie at home, but Toni had her covered with a To Go plate of Beef and Pork… and Tuna Salad – her favorite. Thanks, Toni!

Wonderful food and conversation. I can honestly say it’s not a party until I hear Jer-Bear say “Can somebody tell me why I don’t have my pants on?” Yup. Another successful par-tay. Hopefully, another mini-get together planned with a showing of “Waiting for Guffman”, popcorn and pedicures and the Breeze/Ricketts residence. Can’t wait!

Sunday was a completely relaxing day. I made my honey breakfast in bed, we took the phone off the hook and stayed in bed all morning and afternoon. I can’t remember the last time we were able to lock the world away for a couple of moments. We took some salmon out of the freezer and made a salmon appetizer for Sunday dinner that went over very well with Lindi’s family that evening. It was a version of a “drunker salmon” made with brown sugar, butter, salt, garlic, onions and Guinness…. Nummy.

Lindi and Sarah are enjoying the Xbox immensely. After Sunday dinner, they played X-box together while I finished up “The Five People You Meet in Heaven.” It is an amazing book – and short. I highly recommend it. Very uplifting and thought provoking.

Which brings me back to my fortune cookie. Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals. I can see generosity as one of my goals. I try and be generous with myself, my time, my energy, my money… I find a lot of pleasure in being generous. There’s a lot to be gained by it, as odd as that sounds. Perfection on the other hand is something I’m not too sure about. In work? Yes. In other things? No. I don’t expect perfection in my house, friends, family, spouse or children. Everything is flawed and it’s the generosity of spirit that allows us to be who we are despite our faults.

After the events of the past week and after speaking at great length with my wife and some others, I have come to the decision that I have been from one extreme to the other in the past 10 years – doormat to raging bitch… all with the express purpose of one thing: to be loved.

The lesson that this week has taught me is probably the most significant lesson I have learned: I love myself more than I love anyone else. It’s not a selfish thing, it’s more of a respect thing. I can’t give person A anything that I don’t have for myself.

I put out some energy over the weekend, sincere and honest, loving and nuturing, full of friendship and understanding. If that energy is returned in the future or not is of no consequence. I have plenty of people in my life who love me at this stage and are willing to support me at this point in my journey. Lessons learned will not be lost. While enjoyable, another person’s energy is not necessary for me to continue.

There are always forks in the road. Maybe this is one I should take. You never know, it might be worth the adventure!

Drink of the day: Vanilla Cafe
CD on the Playa: Maroon5 Songs About Jane


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