Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Oh, Dear Lord

Time: 6:30 am
Place: My bathroom, looking in the mirror while brushing hair…

Me: “Oh, No…”
Lindi: “What’s wrong, honey?”
Me: “It’s… oh, no… It’s…” *gulp*
Lindi: “What is it?”
Me: (quietly) “I have a grey hair.”
Sarah (from her bedroom): “You’re Welcome!”

I have a grey hair. Right in front. I am 32. This should not be happening. Seriously. No one told me grey hair was part of the deal when I became a stepmother. I did not sign on for grey hair. I want my money back, it was not a part of the contract.

Maybe it’s due to my upcoming surgery. I spent yesterday getting my Power of Attorney and all that legal stuff finalized – just in case. My mom isn’t happy, but she’s not unhappy, with my decision to give full legal rights (as much as I can, anyway) to Lindi. She told me yesterday that she’s known me longer. Well, duh. But Lindi is my spouse.

A week from Friday. I don’t know what to do, I am so nervous. So many things to go wrong, yet so many things to go right. I am looking forward to a life of movement.

I think one of the reasons I am hesitant is purely selfish. I have always been known as the girl with the big boobs. Always. It’s part of my identity. When someone described me, they would say “the girl with the boobs!” And I liked that – it was a status symbol to have large breasts in this society. Naturally, I have more to offer than size G boobies, and I know that. But they have been such a huge part (no pun intended) of who I am, it’s going to be weird not to have them.

For those men out there who don’t understand what I am saying, think of it this way: Chop off half of your member. Then become a stripper. You would feel judged in an incredible way. This is how women feel about their boobies – well, not all women, but most. You guys (and lesbians do this too) don’t look at the hair or the eyes nearly as much as you do the boobies. It’s natural. And when you have breasts that a lot of women envy, it’s hard to give those up.

I tried to explain how I felt about this to Lindi. I could not have asked for a better partner during this time in my life. She doesn’t understand how attached I am to them, since they are so painful. I said, “Hey, these bad boys are my best feature!” She smiled and said, “No, they aren’t. Your beautiful face is.”

This is why I love her so.

So, I am going through with it – no regrets. It’s the first step to a better me – a healthier me. Very scary, but I will definitely get through it.

Some people have asked that Lindi post my room number on my blog once I come out of surgery so you can send flowers, candy, bras… I really appreciate the thought, but I’m not so comfortable with that. So, I tell you what. Email me personally, and I will give you the phone number to call to find out that information on Friday, January 7th. Mark your calendars. I like roses, carnations, alstromeria and daisies. Godiva and Ghiradelli are welcome.

Don’t worry, I will be in great hands! The Hospital is the top hospital in the state, and Lindi will be there for me every step of the way!


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