Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Why Maine is my Favorite Blogger... Ever...

Posts like these:

The Pope is Darth Vader
"Have you seen this guy? Look at him for a second. Doesn’t he look just like a younger version of that evil emperor in Return of the Jedi? How could they elect this guy? You know he’s just gonna adopt James Earl Jones as his disciple and change his name to Darth. Mark Hamill will have to sword fight him on a windy catwalk and shit… This is just not good. How long will it be before he’s blasting Carson Kressley with electric bolts from his fingertips? “You will not renounce your homosexuality? Then… you will die.” *ZAP*"

True Artistic Tastes
"Sometimes I’ll look down at the dial of my XM radio and see that another radio station is playing a song by Jet. When I turn to it, I get upset because I realize that they’re playing a song by Jet and not a song by The Jets. That sucks because “Cold Hard Bitch” ain’t got nothin’ on “Rocket 2 U.” That shit is dope."

Amazing Insights
"I don’t know how much fun a barrel of monkeys would be, though I’m pretty sure it would smell. How would you get more than one monkey in a barrel anyway? Is that even possible? Who comes up with these things? And, more importantly, why the hell do I concern myself with them?"

Eclectic Culinary Observations
"Have you ever been in your kitchen making breakfast and thought to yourself, “Hey, why don’t I cook these pancakes with the syrup already combined into the mix? And while I’m at it, why not make them into little circles so I can put some sausages and eggs between them and eat them like a sandwich? And, just for convenience’s sake, let me wrap it up in a piece of paper and stamp an “M” insignia at the top…” Odds are you’ve never thought of that. But you know who did? The inventor of McGriddles sandwiches, Dave McGriddle. And where does Dave work? At McDonald’s. I guess the point I’m making here is that it takes a bit of creativity to keep the public interested in eating trillions of burgers and fries for 60 years, and, personally, I support the innovation. Keep ‘em coming, Dave..."

This, among so many other reasons, is why I think Maine should be the World's first Blogger Universe President.

And because I want his sperm. But I digress...


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