Tuesday, March 30, 2004

And to Start the Morning...
My Current Mood: The current mood of crimsondove at www.imood.com

This post is directed square at Rosemary, Queen of All Evil. There was just way too much to say about your comments to let this go unnoticed.

"Let me start off by saying that I am in favor of Same Sex Marriage. I am also a conservative Republican."

Great, thank you.

"That said, I take serious issue with something that you said. You said: "And, no, a marriage between two men and two women is NOT different than a marriage of one man and one woman...

"That is simply false. Just because you say it doesn't make it so. You cannot argue this point with people that oppose your position because they will shut you out. Your statement may just be naive or wishful thinking on your part but in the end it is wrong and a very bad comparison."

First of all, I am not naive nor is it a bad comparison. The act of "marriage" or "getting married" does NOT change regardless of gender. Do gay couples wish for different things, hope for different things, want different things when they get married than straight couples? Is there something different about the love between two gay people or two straight people? That is where you are naive because the answer is no. ONCE YOU REALIZE THAT, that we ARE the same, then the argument can be understood. It is HUMAN love, not gay love and straight love.

"In a nutshell, a man cannot impregnate his husband. A woman cannot impregnate her wife. You will not be able to share your genes with your wife and create a child. I can with my husband, a black heterosexual couple can, a mixed heterosexual couple can, a Chinese heterosexual couple can. That is one of the "fundamentals". Science may make it possible for you to get pregnant without aid of a man but not without his sperm. Not yet anyway"

Okay, who cares? Pregnancy is not a pre requisiste for marriage, and anyone who thinks this is so is relying on the biblical interpretation of marriage, and since I have said time and time again that this is a civil matter, this argument doesn't apply. There are plenty of people who don't care to get pregnant, or can't be impregnanted... that doesn't mean they shouldn't be married. CHILDREN IS NOT A LEGITIMATE ARGUMENT FOR BANNING SAME SEX MARRIAGE.

"I'm sure your going to jump on me about the many infertile couples. Yes, yes by all means. The problem with that is I'm on your side. So you'd be preaching to the choir. "

If I were preaching to the choir, then this wouldn't be such a huge piece of your statement. You don't truly believe that, otherwise, it wouldn't be the cornerstone of the debate for you.

"I'm only pointing out that your argument is flawed because there are differences between the dynamics of same sex relationships and opposite sex ones. You'd be foolish not to use that to your advantage. "

Number one, again, who cares about the dynamics of a relationship? It doesn't matter. There are differences in the dynamics of the relationship between me and my father vs me and my mother... it doesn't invalidate the relationships... so, again, who cares? Since when does dynamics make a legal relationship?

Number two, I would don't usually 'use' my race, gender or my sexual orientation to my "advantage". The fact is, I am an American, and as such, should be recognized for my diversity. We have spent so much time walking on egg shells around different races and cultures... but openly bash gays and lesbians. I am tired of it and am not taking it anymore. The dynamics between a gay and a straight couple may be different, but as I keep trying to point out, THAT DOESN'T MATTER. What matters is that marriage is a civil contract between two consenting people of pre-designated age and non-biological relation, and ANY two who meet that criteria should be allowed to enter into that contract. To not recognize THAT as the crux of this argument is to say that gays and lesbians cannot enter into legal contracts, and, therefore, are being discriminated against legally.

"Stop trying to make people believe they are all the same. They aren't and people won't be tricked into seeing it your way."

First of all, I am a "they" - I actually prefer "you people"... Tricked? Oh, please. There is nothing different in the relationships between my good friends Toni & Rob, Lorene & Dylan and Lindi and I. Toni and Rob are married. Lorene & Dylan are a committed couple for 15+ years. Lindi and I are a committed lesbian couple. We love, respect and take financial responsibility for one another just the same. We have committed to our "unions" just the same. What is different is the LEGAL status of these relationships. That's it. Really. It's not that hard to understand.

"Try a more honest approach. It will work better. Also, anger and intolerance towards those who you perceive are intolerant towards you, makes you equally as bad as them. You are not anymore entitled to intolerance than they are. 'Course they have nothing to lose because of it, you do."

Intolerance? You accused me of intolerance? You have no idea who you are talking to. Anyone who knows me would bitch-slap you for that statement. I have been tolerant time and time and time again for the name calling... the dismissive and condescending comments and actions of the State I live in... the people I have worked for... even family members... the protesters who call my wife a whore and a cunt and Devil's Child while we are at a park... the Biblical Fanatics who spit in my face and scream that I will go to hell - that everything I touch is contaminated and everyone I know will go to hell with me... I have taken it on the cheek for going on 11 years now, year in and year out, having to justify and explain who I am and who I love, to supposedly "tolerant" people just like YOU. So don't tell me I am intolerant. I am the most fucking tolerant person you have ever met.

I have every right to be angry when people who I consider my equals tell me that the person I love, and have committed to raising a child with, has no right to be called my spouse. I have every right to be angry when I don't have the legal right to claim her body for burial or be designated as her next of kin without extensive legal fighting. I have every right to be angry that I will spent upwards of $1,500 to secure some (and only some) of same rights that YOU can with a $75 marriage license. I have every right to be angry that I cannot add my own daughter to my health insurance because I can't legally adopt her. I have every right to be angry that my daughter can be taken from me if her mother dies because I am not her legal guardian. I have every right to be angry that The Division of Family Services can remove my daughter from my home for the simple fact that "Sarah has two mommies" and ONLY that reason.

I have every fucking right to be angry that I, as a lesbian woman, am treated as garbage in this country, while you, a Republican American who supposedly supports our efforts, takes pot shots at me and my family.

You talk out of both sides of your mouth, lady. "I support you, but this is how you should do it". Really, now. Try being honest yourself. Unless you are in the same situation as I am, you don't have any fucking clue how this feels to have everything you love and have built together constantly being threatened to be torn apart under the guise of a "Moral America".

Don't pretend to be on our side. You're just as diluted and intolerant as the rest, only worse, because you think you're not.


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