Thursday, October 17, 2002

Well, Hello...

So, sitting in my car, I have a 45 minute conversation with a trusted friend about what I have been going through the last 4 months and I have come to realize that I am not an island. I know. Big shock.

For those of you who love me and read this blog, hoping to find a glimmer of what is going on in my life, I need to express some feelings right now. My energy is depleted and in turmoil and I am trying to sort out my life. All I can really say is that I trust my friends understand that it has really nothig to do with them.

I am in a weird place. I am not sure in which direction to move my life. I have a past that is haunting me, and a new situation that I didn't expect to be dealing with. I want to be able to express my ideas and emotions, but I honestly don't want to drag anyone down with me.

And then, my talkative friend asked me the question, "Are you the only one who needs to be needed?"

Well, shit.

No, I guess not. So, I am sorry that I have removed myself from involving you guys in my life, simply because I wanted to deal with things on my own and in my own time. It's not that I never valued your advise or friendship. It's not that I don't trust that what you have to say has bearing on my situation. I am 30-fucking years old and there has got to be a time when I stand on my own god-damned feet and either jump, waltz or run in the direction on my own.

Forgive me, but I have not done anything to purposefully hurt a single soul. It my soul I am trying to work on right now, and dig down to the bottom of it. It's make or break time. I have got to do this now or I won't be able to move on.


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