Friday, February 20, 2004

Hard Times...
My Current Mood: The current mood of crimsondove at

I am having some serious self-worth issues lately. I have tried to build up my self esteem over a period of years, realizing that I am worth what I believe to be my worth and not what others perceive of me. It seems like just when I get to a point of acceptance, something knocks me down, and I am small and worthless again.

I am an affectionate person, I always have been. And when it hasn't been reciprocated, I have felt undesirable. Most women do. It is intrisically adhered to my brain - when you love someone - you are affectionate... and I won't apologize for being a touchy-feely kind of girl. When I am unable to express myself in this way, for whatever reason, my self-esteem plunges into this dark place that I hate. I am ugly, stupid, fat, r e j e c t e d. And I cry for no apparent reason.

No, I am not Jennifer Aniston, but I am amazing. And I don't have to be another person for someone to love me and desire me. Beauty truly is in the heart, not in the body. And, for that, I am stunning.

Sorry for the brutal honesty, but sometimes, life isn't wine and roses. I guess I am lucky I have a wife who loves me in spite of my moods.


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