Wednesday, November 30, 2005

And the Holidays Begin...

Thanksgiving was wonderful. Lindi and I spent the morning cooking, then moved the food over to my Mom’s house, where I did the remaining cooking there. The menu consisted of turkey and ham (my dad), beautiful relish trays, cranberry sauces, deviled eggs and pumpkin pies (my sister), stuffing, fresh mashed potatoes and gravy, real whipped sweet potatoes with brown sugar & coconut, traditional yams with pineapple & marshmallow, corn, green bean casserole, Utah Funeral Potatoes, and rolls (Lindi and I). Our “fine” china consisted of heavy duty Chinet and we had a ball. Everyone was able to come, which is always wonderful, and I was pretty tired out by the time dessert came round. But at the very least, my mom didn’t need to do a thing, and the kitchen was clean when we left, which is all she really wanted anyway. Home by 7:30 and in bed to rest for the evening, up again in the morning to work and on it went.

By Sunday, however, I had gotten a helleva cold and was in bed for three days. I am at work right now, but still not feeling 100%. Just plugging along. DayQuil is my friend.

I received an interesting lesson in forgiveness today, from an unlikely source. Someone from the past who had harmed my self esteem greatly apologized for the hurt they caused. It was not solicited, but I was grateful for it.

As I was talking with Lorene, I told her how I felt a relief – like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. And then I realized I should have felt nothing at all – her apology, while generous, should not have affected me in the least. I should have let go of that pain two years ago and had not.

At some point in time, I should have forgiven myself for not being “good enough” or being a “better friend” or any of the numerous things that were stored up in that experience. I had not found the root of the experience until it came full circle again – apologies from someone else should not mean more than forgiveness of self.

I am grateful for the lesson.


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