Sunday, January 12, 2003

And New Changes...

It has been an afternoon of especially trying emotions on many levels. In examining the events of the past few months, I have come to some conclusions that I think will really bring this new year into a more safe and introspective place.

I am so very grateful for the friendships I have developed over the last 15 years. These bonds, while sometimes separated by time and distance, are strong... they bring me comfort and reassurance that although others can't see the value in me (and sometimes I can't see the value in myself)... they can. I have also come to the realization that I don't throw people out of my life, and sometimes other people don't understand why, and for that, I am looked on as weak or insecure. The fact is that I value each person who has come into my life and I will not allow someone else to dictate to me in any fashion who I deem important. I realize that there are energies that are not good for me, but I can't "turn off" emotional bonds. I guess that is, in a way, a weakness, but it also a strength in that I know, deep down, that every person is valuable, a creature God has created, and worthy of at least a minute of my time. I am no better than anyone, and for that I recognize and have faith that lessons abound and I am a better person for having known each soul who has crossed my path.

And, in the immortal words of Lorene, "For every person who chooses not to be in your life, there are five down at Reams in the checkout line you will befriend."

While bonds may be broken from the other side, I have a big heart, with lots of room... and patience and reassurance that there may be a time where reconnections are possible. If not, then the time spent is still precious to me and I will continue to love life and love the people in it, regardless of who they are. I will not submit to hate. I will not submit to insecurity anymore. I will be a better, stronger, livlier person for who I know I am and the capability of loving another spirit and all the beauty contained within.


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