Thursday, January 02, 2003

Been Doing Some New Years Thinking

Christmas was full of blessings, to include a phone call from my Mother's brother, whom she has never actually met, and time spent with family and friends. I was very sick with Bronchitis and ended up taking the 26th and 27th off from work, only to be slammed with Year-end when I returned to work on Monday. New Years' was quiet and peaceful, no parties this year, just champagne and a kiss from the woman I love.

I have been writing in a journal and have been examining a lot of what has happened this year compared with the same time last year. I have also been re-reading some of my blogs as well, as they seem to add to insight. In some ways, I feel I am in the same place, and in a great many others I feel grown. This has been a hard year. It has been one of non-trust, and the breaking of heart with some people. And, much like Lorene, the finding of some strong bonds that were just under the surface.

I think I am just discovering who I am in many respects and I am anxious to see what 2003 brings. I realize I am swimming in rivers of insecurities as I open myself up and I have to recognize that the whole world isn't out to "get" me or my friends aren't abandoning me. It bothers me when I realize that no one responds to my blogs anymore, but then this place is more for me to vent and chronicle my life rather than a "yearbook" to be filled with comments and jokes.

This year will be not only self discovery but an opportunity for self-acceptance and appreciation, something that has been lacking. I, for one, am looking forward to it.


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