Monday, December 02, 2002

Tired. Just tired...

This weekend was very busy and very exhausting. Thanksgiving went off without a hitch, Friday was spent shopping (at 6am at Walmart - don't ask), Lunch with JJ at Black ANgus (WONDERFUL - Thanks JJ!!), Saturday was cleaning and a little socializing and Sunday I crashed. I finally hit bottom, physically and emotionally.

Lindi told me last night that she has been fighting early osteoarthritis for the last 6 months. Talk about scarey. It explains a lot of her behaviours that I have been questioning, and now we are looking for alternative treatments since nothng seems to work. She is in constant pain. I am so scared.

I am in a strange place right now. I am trying to keep up with all my social events and have decided that I am hurt by actions of a few of my friends. I seem to be stretching my hands out and asking for a connection, and nothing is offered, almost like I don't exist anymore. I am tired. I have nothing else to give. I guess if someone really cares about me or what is going on with me, they will ask. Other than that, I hope no one expects me to initiate anything anymore. I am really tired of being slapped away.

I thought friendship was one of those things that went unspoken, a connection that withstands difficult times and forgives rather than attacks. Apparently not. I guess that is the way my friendship works to those outside, rather than friendship back to me.

I am done.


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