Saturday, January 26, 2002

Finally, the Weekend...

Nothing really interesting going on. Found this link on Susan's site... gawd I love that girl. It gives you all the opt-out sites for those annoying ad banners, quite helpful!!

Also got a spell put on me, so THAT's been interesting.... Almost as fun as an email from someone who has a Crush on you...

Thursday, January 24, 2002

DayQuil Is My Friend

It finally caught up with me..the dredded cold from hell. Came down with it on Friday night as I was coming home from work. I had just enough strength to make a special dinner for my parents then hit the pillow. Stayed in bed ALL WEEKEND, with notable exception of trying to go shopping with The Mom. The pain in my chest was almost unbearable, I was shaking uncontrollably and bursting into tears if anyone touched me. Breathing was a luxury. Called in on Monday, worked until my voice ran out on Tuesday and am almost back to strength. I know this would have turned worse if I hadn't of quit smoking, so I am grateful.

It is amazing how staying in bed for long periods of time gets you thinking. It has been hard moving back with the parents, even though I know it will be for the best. When you are in such a transitional place, you start thinking about your choices, your relationships, and your future.

I have gotten a lot of advice from a lot of people after G and I split, and a great deal of it has been helpful. I am so blessed with family and friends, I thank God everyday. But it is interesting how people who have never gone through what I have seem to think they know the perfect solution.

I have a sort-of friend who is just plum peachy with her life, has everything the way she wants it and wants everyone to be happy and secure. She has never been married, let alone for 7 years, gone through financial and health problems and has never gone through any kind of degree of divorce. She has never had to support herself, hell, she ever even roomed in a dorm, let alone been responsible for a household. But she seems to think she has all the answers.

Not that I would ever turn down warm-intended advice, but I have decided that maybe I should take a closer look at the sources of the advice than the advice itself. Throughout this whole emotionally brutal event, some of the best friends I could ever ask for have simply just been there. Not offered any pearls of wisdom, just called and said, "I am here. I am thinking of you." Nothing more. Jennifer is a prime example of that. I am so lucky that she and I have worked out any adolescent angst we may have had and are still friends. The Group has been so wonderfully supportive, too, it has been incredible. I may not be a social butterfly, but it helps to be invited anyway, to feel included.

I know it doesn't sound like much, but in reality, it is everything. Just knowing you can call people and not have to be clever or chipper or anything but who you are at that exact moment.

And it also helps to get the Bullshit out of your life. An overlooked point, but so vital to me right now. No more bullshit. I don't have time. That includes Bullshit friendships that I have been hanging onto for too long that are simply frayed edges of an ideal long lost; Bullshit perceptions, of others, of myself; Bullshit fences and defenses, it is OKAY for me to still love G and want to be around her and yet not be married to her and, No, I DON'T have to explain it to anyone but me.

I am rebuilding, and I want to build something strong and honorable and REAL. And the first thing I need to do is be real with myself. I am only investing in friendships and relationships which nuture me, not hinder me. If I have to work twice as hard to keep a friendship going as I once did, then maybe the friendship isn't worth saving. And I DON'T have to be the one to keep the friendship going in the first place. I am worth the time others take to get to me. I am worth the phone calls, the emails. I am worth the effort. I am worth keeping in touch with. I am worthy, period, and I don't have to be happy, chipper, everyone-pleasing-me to be worthy.

Now before anyone starts ranting, I am not speaking about anyone in particular. I can see trends all around me, and I am just going to give it up to the Universe and let it handle the situation. But I am not going to be sad to see the bad things, and people, go. I used to be horrified of losing anyone as a friend, as if that was a reflection on me. It is, but not in the same way. My reflection, just like my face, changes each passing year, and the things I need to sustain me change, and so, too, do the people I need around me.

So, that's where I am. Those who invest the time to read my blog are probably people who have invested time in me and know I was coming to this point anyway. Isn't it ironic that the people who probably need to see this the most won't...

On a Lighter Note

JJ is COMPLETELY insane about my 30th b-day. The theme has been picked, the plans are well on their way. So, as if 8 months were not enough freakin' notice, KEEP SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 7th OPEN. It will be in a hotel suite (so I can pass out pretty safely), there will be a costume-based theme, dancing, food, basically a MAJOR BLOWOUT. I hope to find out which hotel so those who would like to partake of alcoholic spirits can book their own room early to pass out in so we won't have any drinking drivers. It might be nice for a mini-vacation for those who are couple oriented, too. I didn't want to go to Wendover or Vegas/Mequite so that everyone would at least be able to attend the party even if they couldn't take a weekend. JJ and I might need a little help, so I hope a couple of you guys will be available.

Wednesday, January 09, 2002

A Petty, Fake State...

My father read this Letter to the Editor to me from the Salt Lake Tribune Today. This lady is right on:

" It was with great interest I finally read about the 2002 Winter Olympics and the Greek Orthodox community of the Greater Salt Lake Valley (Tribune, Jan. 2). No matter how Mitt Romney and the Mormons, excuse me, I guess they prefer to be called Latter-day Saints now, make it out to be, unfortunately there's no way getting around "The Mormon Olympics!"

It was with great pride in our heritage our choir submitted our name to "audition" for the Olympics. We recognize the Mormon Tabernacle Choir as the "Olympic Choir." We just felt with our community being one of the largest Greek communities west of the Mississippi, it would be a great honor for the community choirs of Salt Lake City, Ogden and Price to join together to sing the Greek national anthem at the Opening Ceremony. We all watched in awe and excitement when this was done in Sydney and thought, what a great opportunity for us. I can't understand how one little song could take "that" much away from "The Olympic Choir." Unfortunately, we all know who rules the roost in Salt Lake City.

Salt Lake City "

Yeah, don't be involved in the Olympics for anything other than a goddamned food-booth where you can sell jai-rows (gyros) to the white folk who can afford to buy the tickets to the games... why the hell would we want anyone to remember the fact that the Greeks were right behind the LDS settlers and helped found this land on THEIR backs just as much and the Mormons did... Forget the fact that the Greeks helped build and mine in the coal pits and the copper mines (and who ended up dying for the cause)... Forget the fact that the Greek Orthodox church was one of the first churches built in the valley... Forget the fact that most Greeks were forced to drop their ethnic names because the wonderfully open-minded Mormon settlers didn't trust them and wouldn't offer common trade because of it, leaving families to either abandon their family-given names or starve (which is what happened to my Great-Grandfather)... Forget the fact that the choir speaks the native language the Greek National Anthem is written in... Let's not have any Greek involvement in a proud tradition the GREEKS started... IN GREECE...

Oh, but sell your gyros, because the state needs the revenue to pay for the Mo's Games.

You know what, I forgot, they allowed us to have an Official Olympic Pin. Right next to the Ice Cream and Green freakin' Jell-o pins. How ethnic. I think I feel warm inside.

Take the What Should Your New Year's Resolution Be? Quiz

Tuesday, January 08, 2002

The Weekly Update...

It's been hard being disconnected from the world. I don't have much access to the internet or email much anymore, but it's alright since I haven't been getting as much mail. I am able to at least check it everyday, but time is so limited, I can't respond a lot. I must get a compter and SOON!!

Things are going well, still settling in at The Mom's place. Today's my anniversary at work, which means a raise, so I'll keep you posted on that.

JJ is already planning my 30th b-day party, so be prepared the weekend BEFORE 9/10. I am sooooo scared. Whatcha think, a Tarts & Vicars party? *wink*

Hope all is well with everyone. SMOOCH!!

Friday, January 04, 2002

My Spirit Animal is the Dragon!

Cycle of Power: Varies

Aspects: Magick, Shapeshifting, Element Kinship

The Aspects of the dragon vary by elemental alignment.
Click here
to discover your spirit animal!

This test made by Celtic_Shamanes

Champagne flowed, food was abundant and company enchanting...I loved NYE, thanks to Jennifer, Dee, Danny, Mat and G. What an interesting group. I haven't needed to be helped into bed for a looooooong time...