Monday, August 26, 2002

another Recapping Blog

I am finding it harder and harder to find blogging time. I hope you understand. Between funerals and dating, my schedule has been booked. I mean that sarcastically, of course, but there is some truth in that statement. I need to chill a bit and start spending quality time with me and my computer again. JJ is wondering if I really exist or if I am just the voice inside her head telling her what to do…

Thursday night was the viewing for Vi, and I am very proud of my mother. We walked into the mortuary and she came to the door of her viewing room and stopped. I was on one side, Grace on the other and my Father standing behind her… and she couldn’t move. Tears filled her eyes and dripped down her face and she couldn’t, wouldn’t move into the room with her. She told me she didn’t want to see her like that, she wanted to remember her alive and happy. I know what she means. She did go into the room and was very warmly greeted by Vi’s family, as she is like a mother to them as Vi was to me. When we were done, we all went back home and ate tacos and burritos and fell into a coma.

Friday was her funeral, which was well attended and moving, even though I hate Mormon funerals. Don’t ask me why, I couldn’t pinpoint it. Our family was invited to the Family Prayer and closing of the casket, which was an honour. I placed a rosary I had bought her under her hand (so no one could see) and my Mom gave her a teddy bear. Those were the only two things she was buried with besides her wedding band. It was emotional and took it’s toll on us all, including Grace, who ended up at the Emergency Room when a migraine hit her and doubled her over. I called Lindi when I drove Grace in and she met me there and really took care of the both of us. I don’t know what I would have done without Lindi, I was exhausted and a basket case and Gracie’s family wasn’t much help. She is doing better now, thank Gawd.

Saturday was vegging and playing day, went to Lindi’s house and had dinner with the family, played Uno and colored in her Pooh coloring books. Quite lovely, actually. Sunday was a family BBQ, where I met extended family and it was announced that I “might be around for Christmas”. Well, I sure as hell hope so!!!! *grin*. I even met a cousin who I think is perfect for Jennifer. Settin’ it up, baby!

The birthday party is coming together. I finished the invitations and they are out in the mail as we speak. I am hoping to have a great cross-section of people, and maybe reunite some old, long lost friends again. I love my birthday. It’s the one opportunity I have to gather those I love in one room and know just how very blessed I am. The charity of choice this year is The Christmas Box House… but I have people telling me there is NO way they aren’t giving me a gift for my 30th… so I have to lump it. Oh, well! *big sigh* I secretly love it, you know…

Monday, August 19, 2002

Shitty Day...

My Mom's best friend, and my surrogate Aunt Vi, passed away this morning. The Dad called me at work, and I knew something was wrong when The Dad calls work. I have known this woman my entire life, lived next door to her since I was 4, watched her slowly fade yet all the while hold such a strength of character that she outlived the doctors predictions by four years. The Mom is dazed and manic right now, cleaning everything in sight. She was the closest thing to a sister Mom ever had.

That's the magical three. Three friends gone in two months. I don't know how many Goddamned funerals I need to go through before it's enough. God is trying to teach me something, and I don't know what it is, but I am a fucking wreck. I can't take much more of this.

Yes, Connie is still alive. I saw her, in person, breathing...well, breathing until Lindi called...then all the sudden she started to pant...but she caught her breath with this big *SIGH* that took 5 minutes to let out. I'm not a doctor but I think she has terminal Lindi-flu-nitis. Not sure if she's ever going to, if you see Connie, just lift one of your legs and thump it up and down really fast, sorta like a rabbit...she'll appreciate it.

Catching Up

There has been so much going on, I need to fill you all in… I did attempt to post a couple of times, but Blogger hates me. So here is what my Blog SHOULD have looked like:

Fri, Aug 9th: Starzz game tonight. I hadn’t been to one, but have always wanted to. A friend of Lindi’s gave her a 5-pass so we took Grace, Sarah and Sarah’s friend Summer. The five of us had a ball. What is funny is that I won tickets to Monda Night’s game off the radio this morning! So I get to see them twice, and on Monday, it’s the last game of the season. I rock!
Grace told me a friend of ours, one of the teachers of our EMT class, passed away a few weeks ago. I have to say it was very hard for me to deal with that. Cathy was an incredible person. She was funny and smart and the damn best teacher I had. She died of cancer, and I feel robbed that I didn’t get a chance to pay my respects and attend her funeral. Funerals for me are a part of the closure and without it, it takes longer for me to accept death. It took me 2 years to get over the death of my HS friend Melisa. I am angry at Russ, our old EMT Director, for not calling us and letting us know. I feel slighted and very pissed off. Second friend gone in 2 months. Shit.

Mon, Aug 12th: Off to the Starzz game. The tickets were 8th row from the floor, and we got to see absolutely everything. The Delta center was alive with people, everyone enjoyed the game, especially since we won. Lindi was like a kid, and the bonus was seeing all the pretty little lesbians in training everywhere.

Wed, Aug 14th: Got a call from my friend, who happened to have two extra tickets, lower bowl, center stage, for CHER! My God, that woman is incredible. Her opening act was Cyndi Lauper and Lindi and I have a new-found respect for that woman. She has a powerful voice and very personable, very classy. She draped herself with the Rainbow Pride flag during “True Colors” and had the entire Delta Center screaming like little girls. And Cher, well, Cher is a Goddess in every sense of the word. Her show was a tapestry of 14 costume changes, circus performers, hella dancers and incredible vocals, including challenging young Divas like Britney Spears and J.Lo to “Follow THIS, you bitches!” She is amazing, and being with Lindi made it doubly fantastic, since she is a Cher fan, too.

Fri, Aug 16th and Sat, Aug 17th: The day is here! Lindi picked me up from my house and we drove to Park City for our romantic evening up at Marriott’s Mountainside Villa Resort. The suite was incredible, a bath as large as a Queen Size bed, huge shower, beautiful view, full kitchen… amazing. She toured me around the room and I smiled when I realized there were rose petals covering every inch of the suite, from the tub to the bed to the kitchen with full roses in a vase, as well as candles everywhere. I even had a new friend, a cute little stuffed cow, waiting for me! She cooked me dinner while I ran a hot bath for myself (which took 20 minutes to fill!) and soaked, drank chilled wine and played with bubbles until dinner was ready. Salad, spaghetti and chocolate covered grapes for dessert… very good. We watched a movie and just relaxed the whole evening. It was wonderful and very romantic.

The next morning, we checked out at 10am and went out to Deer Valley for breakfast to a little restaurant that overlooked a river, sat outside on the patio and enjoyed wonderful omelettes while watching ducks and dogs. After, we headed into Park City and walked Main Street, stopping here and there… Lindi bought me a caramel apple and she a frozen banana… NUMMY!!! We also headed out to the Factory Stores, Nike, Zales, Books, just a great time. We ecven got our ears pierced (I was going to get my second top piercing in my right ear done, and Lindi said it wasn't right that I had one more piercing than her.... typical woman *wink*... so we got matching top piercings.) I really didn’t want to go back to reality, but we all must at some point, so we headed back to Salt Lake and arrived at 5pm.

Saturday Night we all went out dancing, including Jennifer, who ended up dancing the night away with a lovely guy named Christian. Leave it to Jenn to find the ONE single, straight guy in a lesbian bar!!! I danced until the place closed then we went out to breakfast to sober up my friend Deanna. Rolled into bed at 4am. GAWD!!!!

Friday, August 09, 2002

Blue Thyroid-Shaped Doughnuts

Yes. They exist.

Cranky Greek Boss’s daughter is a pharmacutical rep for the company that manufactures Lovoxil, a thyroid medication. Today, she had a luncheon with some doctors to give them a presentation regarding the effectiveness and appropriate target patient who would benefit from this medication. In preparation, she called Banbury Cross Doughnuts and ordered custom-made thyroid-shaped doughnuts. But, wait. There’s more. Lovoxil is blue, so she had them frost the doughnuts in sky blue. They were the most interesting things I have ever seen! I have to give her oodles of credit, the doctors are NEVER gonna forget blue thyroid-shaped doughnuts, no matter how hard they try. It’s good to know Banbury makes custom shaped doughnuts, at no extra charge, mind you. That could come in handy.

Wednesday, August 07, 2002

It's a Tie... Does This Mean I Make MUD??

Intuition. Insight. Emotions. Feelings.

Stability. Strength. Warmth. Comfort.
Take the quiz.

I Should be Working on AVON

... but I'm not. I am not doing much of anything tonight. I just kinda hit a low today. Everything, every emotion, feeling, sensation was magnified for some odd reason. And when I went to sit down to work on my business, full of energy and spirit, I saw the picture of Scott... and started to silently cry. Haven't stopped, really. And I don't think I will for a while.

You know, so many people expect me to have these little breakdowns and emotional surges, and certianly after something like this. "Oh, it's just Connie, the little Virgo with the big gushy heart..." But, you know, for once, I am grateful I have the capacity to feel these emotions. To love someone so much that the loss of them in my life becomes a profound experience - it makes me realize that I don't love "little", and what a gift that is. If I have told you I Love You in the last few days, weeks, years... it's because I do, and if I lost your force in my life, I would weep for you, as I am weeping for Scott. Not for where he is or what he did, but for what could have been. I will miss him

I found a bunch of pictures from 1991 Spring Fling for Dylans birthday. We were all so much younger (and thinner) and I almost gasped when I realized there are pictures of not only Scott, but Marc Atkinson. All the memories came rushing back... wine coolers and Smoking Toni with the long red nails.... Kickball in the baseball diamond at Whittier.... I am so grateful to have that one day in time frozen and all the years of ridicule over being "snap happy" are worth it.

And I have been thinking of Jeff a lot lately, too, even dreamed about him last night. I hope you are well, Jeff. I hope to see more of you soon, and in a better circumstance. And I did mean it when I told you I love you.

Friday, August 02, 2002

For My Friends...
especially Lorene...

When we are sodden and low
Backs hunched from the cold,
pressing world
Rain drenching our clothes
and our hearts
Take comfort, my dear friend…
That if we stand
Back to back
We can stand upright and tall,
By leaning on each other,
Holding our eyes to the horizon,
We will see the future.

(c) Connie Anast, 2002