Monday, March 31, 2003

193 DAYS TO GO...

And we still need a reception center. And everything costs a fortune. And we still need to get our guest list done. Good Gawd, not enough hours in the day...

Monday, March 24, 2003

Oh...By the Way...

Lindi got a haircut. And I dyed her hair again. She looks hot.

Reason 1,288,738,957 Why I Love My Friends

I received an email today from a close friend I have had since, well, birth, inviting me to a party to support the Gay and Lesbian Community Center. I had been concerned lately concerning her. Some recent controversy put her in a bad situation, with her partner being close to someone who I no longer associate with. When a couple has been put in a situation like this, they tend to exclude people from events so as to spare feelings. Granted, I haven’t spoken to her about it at length, but her wonderfully upbeat attitude and positive voice makes me believe again what I have always known – you can’t break up family. Blood will always be thicker than water.

Her influence in my life has been tremendous, and while our lives seem to come together and then separate for a time, I know she will always have my back, as I will always have hers. There is nothing that anyone could ever say to me to make me turn my head away from this lovely woman. Her integrity is some of the finest I have ever known and I can only aspire to reflect some of her presence in my own life. She is encouraging and funny, and makes me think – which can be difficult for me – since she makes me think of the big things.

I love ya, Steph, and am looking forward to seeing you soon.

One HELLEVA Weekend…

As I write this blog, sitting in my chair at work, I can honestly tell you that the past 3 days have been one of the best weekends of my life. I had some great quality time with my family, Lindi, Sarah, Jessie, My Niece Sarah, party time with friends and some relaxation. It was a well-balanced and delightful time.

Thursday was little Ms. Sarah’s 14th birthday, but we actually celebrated it on Friday, with dinner at Red Lobster and a party at the house, which she was completely and totally spoiled rotten. She also had the great pleasure of a sleepover with her sister Jessie (Lindi’s step-daughter from her first marriage to Jan) and the four of us played games and did hair and all the fun sleepover girlie stuff.

Saturday morning, the four of us went to breakfast while my laundry was running at the Laundromat across the street. The girls are earning money to go to Disneyland this June with Jan and her partner Merlyn, so laundry was in the deal for a little pocket cash. Afterward, we ran to my mother’s house to deliver her medications and then to see “Piglets Big Movie”, which was actually pretty cute. We ran Jessie home, then took a nap at Lindi’s before going to dinner with her parents at the Cancun Café.

Saturday Night, Lin and I met the “gang” at the Paper Moon, and I can honestly say, it was incredibly fun and wild, and everyone had a great time with No Drama, which can be quite rare. Dee and Charity (a friend from Logan) also had the pleasure of their stalkers attending, so I did my best to stay close by, watching their backs and flirting OUTRAGEOUSLY until they backed off.

The night was highlighted with:
Marshmallow Peeps being retrieved out of pants by my teeth (Hey, it was MY Peep and Rhonda-the-bar-girl stole it, I had to get it back)
Confessing my undying love to the DJ on an hourly basis (she played ALL of my songs)
Jell-o shots off of Rhonda-the-bar-girl’s tummy (SHE offered!)
Dancing wildly with... well… everyone…
Crushing badly on Heather-from-Logan (which was encouraged by Lindi because she liked to see me blush)
Hands in my blouse from… well… everyone…
Stripping off Cindy-from-Logan’s shirt (she had a “T” underneath), then stripping Charity, then stripping… oh shit, what was her name? (heh, heh)
Shots and more shots
“Closer” by Nine Inch Nails being dedicated to Lindi by me (courtesy of the wonderful DJ – see, flirting does pay off)
And Lindi driving me home, drunk but happy, waking up in her bed with the worst hangover either of us EVER had.
Sunday was breakfast with Sarah and Lin’s Mom at IHOP (HORRIBLE SERVICE!), pedicures and hair dying day, then going back to my home to spend the evening with my niece for her birthday. I don’t get to spend enough time with her, so every minute is precious.

Sunday wrapped up with watching the Oscars and relaxing to prepare for work today, which was well needed after the running and dancing and drinking.

Wedding plans are starting to come together, and Jennifer invited us to start planning at her place this week. I can’t wait to start seeing some of our ideas come to life. So, this week will be BUSY! I only pray I will have the energy to get through it all!

Wednesday, March 19, 2003

Ha, Ha, Toni...

I'm not stuuupid.


Lindi’s Mom went home last night. Her Thallium Stress came back beautifully and they came to the conclusion that the low levels of potassium somehow interrupted the regular workings of her cardiac muscle and gave her a brief arrythmia. She’s home, safe and sound, resting. THANK YOU for all your prayers and energy, it worked miracles!

Tonight, Lindi and I are meeting with the Unitarian minister about the wedding. It has given me some time to think about my spirituality and expressing my love of others. I can think back to when I was teaching Sunday School and how much I loved working with children, teaching and guiding and learning from them as well. It was one of the happiest points in my life.

To this end, I have given considerable thought to going back to school to obtain my Bachelors of Theology. Even further, when we meet tonight, I want to discuss service to the church. They certainly hold my ideals and I think I would not only learn a great deal, but others have told me how I should be teaching – something I have always dreamed of doing. I feel at peace when I am in the presence of those who have a true faith that guides them. I know how my faith and spirituality keeps me grounded, I would love to help other with theirs. The Unitarian church is certainly open to a woman minister, and I hope I could provide a shoulder for those in the gay and lesbian community looking for a peer.

So, I am thinking of becoming a Unitarian Pastor. I will keep you posted as my spiritual journey takes on life!

Tuesday, March 18, 2003


Give my love to Lindi, waiting for these kinds of results can be gut wrenching. They were when my dad had his heart attack, but the sooner it is caught the better.

Saying My Prayers…

St. Patrick’s Day at Lindi’s house is interesting. Corned Beef and Cabbage and John Wayne in “The Quiet Man” is the tradition. Since I have never seen a John Wayne movie all the way through, I can say I quite enjoyed it.

After dinner, Lindi’s Mom was feeling poorly, and took her blood pressure and pulse. It was not good. Lindi’s Dad took her to the hospital, where she still remains in Intensive Care under observation. They have given her Heparin (blood thinner), potassium and Nitroglycerine patches to try to stabilize her blood pressure and heart rate. They have checked her cardiac enzymes (an indicator of heart attack) and are still unsure as to why her heart seems to be unstable. Remarkably, she feels fine now, but the doctors are taking no chances. In about 30 minutes, she’s having repeat blood work, more potassium and possibly a Stress/Treadmill EKG.

Please join in me in prayer and sending good energy to Lindi and her family.

Monday, March 17, 2003

I Am In Such a Happy, Positive Place...
That's for you, Lorene...

Wedding plans are coming along, and I recently was reminded a friend of mine is actually a Rev... hmmm... could happen...

I AM PROUD OF YOU "D", just so you know. You are strong, beautiful and will do fine on your own. Lots of life to live out there!!

Sunday, March 16, 2003

Sad Day for Ray...

My brother in law Ray's mother passed away on Monday. Friday and Saturday were spent in honoring her memory. It was a difficult day for him on a lot of levels. When he was quite young, his mother had a nervous breakdown and eventually had to be cared for in a hospital that treats mental illness. Separated from his mother for most of his life, visiting her on birthdays and holidays when he was young, did not really give him the adequate time he needed with his mother.

Then his mother was striken with Parkinson's disease. Not only did her mind leave her, but her body did as well. Bless Ray, for he never gave up hope on his mother, visited her faithfully, bringing her candy and flowers and clothing - anything she needed. While most men would have forgotten they had a mother in her condition, Ray is a proud and loving son. And he had to put her to rest yesterday.

The final services were handled by a mortuary called the Alternative Society, based in American Fork. They were some of the nicest, most thoughtful funeral directors I have ever met. Not only were they wonderful, they were significantly less expensive... I almost choked when Denise told me the final cost of the expenses. AMAZING.

Her casket was pink, absolutely gorgeous, and the director found the most beautiful princess pink dress for her. She looked like an angel. The family flowers, done in shades of pink and white, were literally breathtaking, done by Heaven Scent Floral out of Taylorsville. Chocolate kisses were Darlene's favorite candy, and while one of the directors was out shopping, she found a huge Hershey's Kiss wrapped in pink for easter, brought it to the church, and placed it in her hands in the casket. Completely professional, thoughful and perfect. It brought a smile to everyone's pain-filled eyes. There were also crystal bowls of kisses by the guest book to take in memory of her. What a nice touch.

We released balloons at the gravesite (the directors handled that). Very symbolic - one white balloon was released by Ray and his sister Arlene, to symbolize the releasing of Darlene's Spirit and the rest of us released our pink balloons which quickly followed her. Being as the weather was cloudy and windy, the balloons flew away quickly. One of the children there made a perfect observation :"Wow, she must have been in a hurray to get to heaven!" I am sure she was.

I also made a special friend. At the graveside, my mother had purchased 2 dozen pink and white roses to hand out. One of the tinest girls there, Ray's cousin Tara, just loved her pink rose, but the wind had whipped the petals apart. I also had the same problem with mine. So I took little blonde-haired Tara over on the grass, kneeled down with her and we spread our hands to the wind, letting the gusts carry our rose petals over the cemetary grass. Her big brown eyes lit up as she stared at me as if to say "Wow!" For some reason, her gentle spirit touched mine as she stared at me. I think it also had something to do with her being the only fidgety kid out of 10 of them, standing in front of the church singing "I Am A Child of God" during the services. My Mom told me Tara reminded her of me when I was little, this strong-willed, blonde-haired, brown-eyed baby girl. Maybe that's why we bonded over blowing rose petals.

I am very proud of my brother in law. I think he is the reflection of what all men strive to be, without even trying. He may have a slow wit sometimes, but he is ALL heart and is courageous when others would fall. He's the best thing in my sister's life, I can tell you that right now! Well, besides me of course! *smile*.

It's Amazing to Me...

Sit back, relax, and listen to me vent

I realize that I have been pretty self absorbed in my recent engagement and wedding planning, but certianly not enough to ignore recent comings and goings on the blogs. After reconciling a recent split in friendships in a pretty positive way, I have found myself thrown right back in Jr. Freakin' High where someone is the victim, feels wronged and is attempting to lash out at a friend of mine - out of unrecognized pain, immaturity and self-assuming importance.

It is amazing to me that this person has placed so much weight on what my friend did/has not done/is not doing... when this person proclaims absolute freedom from the situation. If you are free from something, why continue to wallow in it, justify yourself, make HUGE statements about statements that really aren't supposed to impact you at all - since you're free of it all....

It is amazing to me that someone who claims not to hate, who claims to walk away from friendships with respect and love for the time shared with another, continues to hold such unneccesary venom and who continues, while unsolicited, to jab at those severed friendships by making a fruitless attempt to hide their true feelings in their blogs.

It is amazing to me that while this person proclaims to have moved on, they certianly don't take their own preachy advice. If I had received an unsolicated email on a major news event after not hearing from this person for a few weeks, I would have simply said, "thanks" or maybe not have even responded. How do I know? BECAUSE I HAVE DONE IT. Could it have been more than it was? Maybe. But from someone who I know as an extreme analyzer and always looks for the "how am I gonna get hurt in this situation and how can I turn it around on the other party" in everything... It wouldn't surprise me if they put out a freakin' restraining order over it.

And, finally it is amazing to me that someone who proclaims to cherish free speech and is willing to listen to what others have to say... took 'comments' off their blog. What, too scared to have your own words pushed up in your face?

If you are reading this, and you are angry about what I have written, then it's because you have come to my blog in the first place. You found my presence to be too "energy depleting", yet if you are still coming here, you are doing so of your own accord. As you have so elloquently expressed on yours - this is my blog where I am free to write what I want. Frankly, I don't even know why you still come here except to reassure yourself of your own self importance and to look down on the mundane lives the rest of us lead. The rest of us aren't befitting of the wonderful insight you have given yourself through the unneccesary self-distruction of relationships where you have not been spoon fed and pampered. Grow the hell up. Become an adult and not some superficial superwoman who thinks that she is everything to everyone. The rest of us have gotten over it. Maybe you should too.

Oh, and you are free to leave a comment because I DO welcome criticism openly, I don't just talk about it.

And, please, don't ever claim to know anything about any of my friends. You have been a surface relationship at best. The rest of us have been through fire together, faced death together, cried at weddings and funerals and babies together for the last 15 goddamned years. If you think that a few months of your precious time impacted it all so greatly, you might want to reconsider. Remarkably, we are all still breathing, laughing, crying and celebrating together. Amazing that we can do that without your influence.

That, my dear, is what happens when you are a true friend.

Wednesday, March 12, 2003

212 DAYS until OCTOBER 10, 2003

Shane and Jenn met me at Mary's Bridal last night to go over my dress, pick a headpiece, hair style, etc. Shane is fabulous, can I just say that? Open to suggestions, gently guiding me toward things that were more suited to me, he is a God-send. And Jenn's suggestions were well thought out and quite beautiful. What a team! I was the envy of every bride in the room, having my Maid of Honor AND a Stylist. It was great. I will put a deposit down on the dress on Friday. Whut Whoo!! Check it out on Shane's website!! Comments??

Jenn, Shane and I went over ideas for the theme of the wedding. We are going for all autumnal colors accented in Dove White. Not sure if purple will be a part of it, we'll see. Food - still up in the air. Cake - haven't decided. Invitations - Shane's got some great ideas for those. We are gonna have a couple more meetings before major plans start to roll on...

Maid of Honor: Jennifer
Best woMan: Deanna
Couple's Attendant/Ring Presentor: Sarah
Flowers Girl: Jesse (Lindi's other daughter)
Connie's Attendant: Lorene
Lindi's Attendant: Lisa
Guest Attendants: Dee and Bill (Lindi's Brother)

175 on the list. 100 invitations to go out. Probably about 60-75 people will actually show. Nice. Simple. Most will come out of curiosity. lol.

Still up in the air. I have an idea what we want to walk down the aisle to. Plenty of time for that, though.

STILL SO MUCH but I am very excited and very happy. I'll keep you posted!!!

Saturday, March 08, 2003

216 DAYS until OCTOBER 10, 2003

Spending Friday evening with Jenn and Dee, dipping fondue and playing a game that, according to Dee I "suck" at, really put the wind back in my sails. It is heartening to see Sarah and Lindi so comfortable with my friends and be able to relax in such a positive place. I am very proud of Jenn, finally getting the raise she so richly deserves and turning her life completely around to the positive. And Dee... hell, Dee just makes me laugh and laugh.

I have come to an interesting place this morning. I feel very under-whelmed. I realize there's a lot to do, but I have given the reigns to the universe because there are things I cannot control. I can't really start my plans until I have a date, and then I can start picking and matching and buying. And, truly, it doesn't matter if we are in shorts and a T shirt at an Arby's drive thru... whatever happens will be what's meant to happen and will be perfect becase we will be together. So, until then, I will relax and enjoy the "pre wedded bliss" with Lin and Sarah.

Speaking of Ms. Sarah, school is going better for her. She has taken the initiative and is getting some after-school tutoring by her favorite female teacher at her school. This wonderful history teacher offered tutoring to any of her students in any subject. Most of Sarah's classmates are taking advantage of the extra help. This was brought on by the 'F' Sarah currently has at midterm for science. When Lindi went to PT conference this past week, she noticed in the science teachers grade book that not ONE student had above a 50% in her class, and not one student had completed all of the last 9 assignments. Odd. Then she visited this angel history teacher. The history teacher asked if she could see Sarah's report card, and then told Lindi it was as she thought. Apparently, she sees kids like Sarah with all A's and B's and then a D or an F in this teacher's science class. So, she has made it her personal crusade to help these kids out, as well as mention it to the administration. It is teachers like this that make me feel a little better about the public school system. I think I'll bring her a plant or something. Sarah is already ahead of her assignments by a week and has completed three extra credit projects. Way to go! Oh, and we are going to start Tae Bo. I am gonna die.

So, this weekend is calm and safe, staying mostly at home, helping the Mom, shopping for Mom, watching DVD's (heh heh). Lin has to work today and tomorrow, but she stayed over my place Wednesday (Sarah spent the evening at church with Gma for Ash Wednesday) and I stayed over there Thursday night. So, we got a weekend in there somewhere. Sarah is giving up chocolate for Lent, Lindi said she liked sinning, so she is gonna vow to drink more water, and I don't have to worry about it for another week since Greek Orthodox lent starts next week. I am thinking about giving up all sweets... cookies, candy.. all of it except like sorbet and fruit things. Still contemplating. Or all fast food, which might make lunch hard since I only get 30 minutes. I guess I can take my lunch with me.

What are YOU giving up for Lent? Don't answer, Toni, I know you're a heathen... heh heh heh.

Comittment Certificates

Doing a little search on the web, I found this place that will print a Certificate of Committment for Lindi and I. It sounds rather interesting, although I am sure Shane could design something better. Interesting thought, though.

Thursday, March 06, 2003

218 DAYS until OCTOBER 10, 2003

It's not because I have wedding plans that I hven't been blogging. I have actually been #1- very sick, and #2 - helping my parents settle their estates. Over the weekend of the 21st, I was in Cottonwood ER twice for shots for a migraine that started on a Tuesday and wouldn't let go until the Thursday AFTER. It was not pleasant, but Lindi was by my side the whole way, so it helped. I have been too stressed out, and by order of Lorene, I am not to do that again.

My mother got her settlement check on Monday, and proceeded to pay off the the house, car and buy me a DVD player for all my help. Our next project is renovating the house and getting my parents life insurance in order so my dad can officially retire. They are also buying a hottub with gazebo... can you say drunken hot-tub PARTY?!?!!

The date for the wedding could change, I was informed. Lindi's brother might be getting married in October, dammit. I'll keep you posted. If not October, then we decided on February. NOT V-D Day, thank you! It will give us plenty of time, and the colors will change to lilac and diamond white. Perfect!

HAPPY B-DAY to Grace, the biiiig 33. Hope all is great with you! Condolences to Toni and Rob, and I am happy to hear Bear is better!!!! Welcome home Lorene and Dylan, HUGS to Shane, Chet, Steph, Jenn and Dee!!!

Love to everyone, I will stay more in touch, I PROMISE!