Thursday, December 19, 2002

Wow, Is Christmas Over Yet??

I don’t know when my life got so out of control, but things are starting to come together. Friday night consisted of a Hockey Game (which I didn’t fully understand) and Lin and I spending quiet “alone” time at my house, until her hacking cough sent her home at 2:30 am. Her cold really got a hold of her, but since she has NEVER had sick day in over 5 years, she is lucky most of her illness fell on her days off.
Saturday Morning was shopping with Lin and hanging with the folks. Saturday Night was lovely, spending time with the gang at Dos Serranos. It is amazing how much our group has grown over the past few years, with the addition of new people and spouses and children. I did miss not seeing Danny & Mat and Jer & ‘chelle, but they are in my thoughts and on my Christmas Card list.
Sunday brought a Brunch where I spent time with Lin and her crazy family, which was very nice, although she has been so very sick. We stopped over at my house and visited with y parents before heading over to her place to wrap presents and watch movies.
The entire week has been a hell-time at work. I felt drained every single day, then yesterday I realized that I caught what Lin has and have been sick since Monday without stopping. It hit me hard yesterday and Day-Quil is now my best friend. Luckily, I only have a couple more presents to get and the rest I am hand-making.
I wish I could have more quiet time to myself to enjoy the season, but it seems to have snuck up on us. I hope everyone is enjoying their season!!

Friday, December 13, 2002

Ever Eat a Porcupine?

The Christams Party for Lin was absolutely wonderful! We dined at the Porcupine Grill at the mouth of the canyon. Our group was in the upper balcony of the restaurant, with an incredible view of the mountains. I was able to meet all the Managers and Owners of the stores in Lin's area, which ends up being 7 stores total. The owners, Chris and Mark, were very nice and quite complimentary to me, I felt very welcomed. The appitizers consisted of wonderful breads, veggies, dips, hot wings, you name it, it was available. I chose Filet Mignon (medium rare and VERY good) with garlic mashed potatoes and veggies for my dinner, Lin had Portabello Chicken. For dessert, they served an amazing strawberry cheesecake or... get this... a chocolate porcupine, which was a chocolate cake with chocolate mousse center, covered in dark chocolate with almonds for quills and white chocolate medallions for eyes. It actually looked like a porcupine. Reminded me of Steel Magnolias and the "Armadilla Grooms Cake". Someone gave one to Lin and she proceeded to kill it with a fork. It was quite hilarious.

I enjoyed myself, talking with her supervisor Tonya (who, incidentally, wants to "try a woman"... I volunteered, but I don't think Lin approved of that), another manager Jon (who wants Lin to mother his baby and then go away), Jason (who is cute, a little punky and drinks like a fish) and others who I don't quite remember their names, as the Merlot and Chardonnay were *quite* good. Lin indulged in the complimentary beer and I ended up driving her home and putting her to bed... OH, THE HARDSHIP! *wink* The Owners gave us a beautiful box of See's Chocolates, which I put on my desk at work and which I am the hero for now... for getting it OUT of Lin's house at direct orders of her mother!

Speaking of her mother, before we left for the party, I felt like I was going to prom. Her mother took pictures of us standing in front of the Christmas Tree, since the both of us were dressed up and looking great. I told Lin I wanted a copy as proof I made it to Christmas, which is a running family joke. Then, when we arrived at the party, they took our picture there. Wow, now EVERYONE has proof!

Courtesy Of Lorene


Click here if you are: Female

Click here if you are: Male

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
JERRY: Tonight on the Jerry Springer show we have a particularly interesting episode! Connie is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend of hers, Lorene. So everyone please put your hands together for Connie!
Jerry: Okay, now Connie you're here to talk about someone aren't you?
Connie: Yes.
Jerry: And what is this other person’s name?
Connie: Dylan.
The crowd SQUEALS with delight.
Jerry: Okay, okay, well, Dylan is actually here tonight -
The crowd SQUEALS.
Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Connie, because as it happens there is someone else here to see YOU! So let's bring out... JJ!
Connie: What the HELL!!!
Out of nowhere Connie pulls out a sword. JJ reaches for the couch. Out of the shadows Jeff appears.
Jeff: Wait everybody wait!
Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First tell us why you're here JJ.
JJ: Because I saw Connie and Jeff making out in San Diego!
The crowd goes absolutely INSANE.
Jeff: That's a lie! I was home watching That 70's Show!
Jerry: (raising his hands) Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here...what exactly IS the problem JJ?
JJ: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Lorene who has recently become engaged to Jeff.
The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement.
Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Lorene out here because Connie had something that they needed to tell them anyway about... Dylan that's right!
Lorene: (enters onto stage and saunters over towards Connie) What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Dylan! You know I'm how I feel about Dylan!
Jeff: (screams) What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Dylan!
Lorene: Because I knew that I could never have Dylan. But Connie promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!
Jeff: What about respect for MY feelings!
JJ walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Lorene.
JJ: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.
Again the crowd SQUEALS.
Jeff: Oh my God! Are you SICK!
Jeff runs across the room and wraps their arms around Connie tightly.
Jeff: Connie, take me away from all of this!
Connie: You see? That's the thing...I'm...well, I'm married...
The crowd does its bit.
Jeff: Married?
Connie nods.
Jeff: Who the hell are you married to? When...when did this happen? I don't understand!
Connie: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to Dylan.
Lorene: (screaming) WHAT!!!
Jerry: (grinning widely, makes an inquiry) So...did you have a nice wedding night?
Dylan: (stepping back out onto center stage) Well, we had sex 42 times if that's what you mean.
The crowd squeals.
Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight... Connie is married to Dylan who Lorene has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Lorene has recently become engaged to Jeff who was recently spotted kissing Connie in San Diego. Now on top of this JJ has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Lorene.
Dylan: That's right Jerry.
Jerry: (looking sternly into the camera) It is times like these that one has to wonder, whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks it's been great but for now... it's goodnight.
Queue cheesy background music and fade to black.

Tuesday, December 10, 2002

Tuesday in all it's Glory

Whoa. What a week so far and it's only Tuesday. Our workload seems to have doubled.... tripled... in the last 3 weeks and I am feeling the burn. It's a far cry from feeling your job was in jeopardy. But 5 long stemmed red roses delivered to my work with a sweet card helped. (It's been five months, can you believe it? Man, LST sure does fly by fast!) Tonight is the corporate McDonald's Christmas Party. Lin gets to "show me off" so to speak. We got our first Christmas card, too, from her boss...To Lindi, Connie and Sarah. Strange and wonderful.

Topic on JJ's blog: New Year's Resolutions. I thought about this for a while, and realized something very important in regard to this tradition.

Tomorrow is not promised. Today is the only thing that's real. There is no guarantee that I will even be here next year, next month or next week. So, my New Year's Resolution is to do the best I can do, be the best I can be, each and every day. Eat better, love more, talk and play and laugh and sing and hug and cry and tell those I love how much I love them - each day - as if I won't be here tomorrow. Because, you never know, I just might not.

In a nutshell, LIVE each day with no regrets, no do-overs, and recognize that each minute the fates have given us is a gift and cherish it as the last minute I have to live.

Sunday, December 08, 2002

Great (And Sore) Weekend

After all the drama and trauma of the week, this weekend has been a welcome change. Thursday night, after hanging out with Lin, I stayed over at her place, finally able to sleep after what seemed like an eternity. I always sleep better when she's there.

Work was hectic on Friday, what with the Cranky Greek Man out of the office, but a lot was accomplished. That evening Lin Sarah Matt and I trotted to the Fun Dome and went bowling, played Laser Tag, Miniature Golf and just funned around. I had forgotten how much I loved bowling, and Lin (who rocks the house, since she's been bowling since she was 12) told me I was actually quite good, bowling a 97 after not bowling for four years. *happy dance*

Saturday, I picked up Sarah to take her shopping, but with a surprise detour. For Christmas, I took her to The Spa Club and we had mini-facials, a 20 minute massage and a pedicure! She was so surprised, and enjoyed every minute of it. After grabbing some Orange Chicken at Panda Express, we shopped and shopped, then headed to my place to wrap... ok, I wrapped and she slept, since she was so relaxed and soooo tired. Lin picked her up after work and they headed home, since she had to turn around and work at 5am, so I spent the night relaxing in bed (on a heating pad) and watching movies.

Today is another lazy day, paying bills, doing some online shopping, listening to Tori, writing emails, doing laundry... me things (taking a reference from Lorene about Sundays. I think it's a PERFECT idea).

I have been in a funk all week concerned about imaginary things, pretty much. I have been worried that my friends and I have been drifting apart, and I was having "being needed" issues again. Luckily for me, Lorene pointed out some obvious facts that got my train of thought back on track.

I love all my friends, and I know my energy has been sporadic at best lately. But I have decided to give what I can give and to those who have been there, through thick and thin (you know who you are). People are in a constant state of change, but essentially, the bonds that keep us together pretty much remain intact. I love my friends for so many reasons...I love the way JJ states the obvious to me, with an ever-present smirk, smile or kick in the ass, Jennifer is open and honest in all things at all times with one of the sweetest hearts I have ever seen, Dylan warms me with his sarcasm and relates to me much like a big brother, Toni's pokes and prodes and reminders of the stupid things I have done make me smile and laugh, Rob's teddy bear ways and HUGE heart, Dee's well-traveled intellegence and humor help feed my imaginative side, Jeff's wit simply makes my heart swell being in his presence, Shane just makes me giggle and blush because I so want to be just like him - out there and free, Chet's openness and instant friendship amaze me, Lorene's wings, open shoulder and enveloping arms are simply perfect, and Lindi just fills my heart with love, making me want to be a better woman.

Obviously, I can't list all my friends here, but those examples remind me of something someone once told me, which I now completely believe. Every person plays a role in your life, whether short or long, tiny or huge, intricate or delicate, and each person adds an element to who you are. I can think of a dozen people, while no longer in my life due to time, distance or falling away, who have played extremely important roles... without them, I would not be as wise, strong, loving, open, vulnerable, and spiritual as I am now. They've helped me grow.

In recognizing that, We also have the responsibility to ourselves to fulfill roles to others. I wonder, what role do I play for each of my friends? It would be interesting to know what element I have brought to their lives.

When I die, I don't want people to mourn for the life I've led, but instead be grateful that I was there, in whatever role I had, and know that I was blessed to be a part of theirs, as well.

Wednesday, December 04, 2002

Want the Good News or the Bad News?

The Mom had her annual heart checkup (one year late) in regard to her Mitral Value Prolapse. Two years ago, we were told she would need a full valve replacement since there was soooo much blood remaining in the heart. Her doctors were worried about stroke and were pretty adamant about getting her into surgery. She kept putting it off, like a lot of her generation would. At her appointment yesterday, her doctor told her that he believes (good news) that her problem just might be scar tissue holding the value open and he would be able to repair it without full valve replacement. This would prolong any further procedures by up to ten years. On the 12th, we’re going to St. Marks for a new scoping procedure, similar to an Angiogram, which will allow the cardiologist to get a better view of the Mitral Valve and we would know if that is her option. The test would also reveal (bad news) that she does need the replacement as soon as possible. She is still in a high probability of stroke or sudden death. Gratefully, though, her condition hasn’t worsened in two years, which is amazing.

I am angry that The Mom hasn’t done anything about this sooner. I knew she had a prolapse, but she lead me to believe that it wasn’t anything too serious, and come to find out that The Mom is a ticking time bomb.

Send her your energy.

And to Rob...

I am terribly sorry to hear about your cousin. I can't imagine what your family is going through right now, my love and prayers are with you.

If possible, have a Happy Birthday! The day YOU were born is definately a day to celebrate.

Monday, December 02, 2002

Tired. Just tired...

This weekend was very busy and very exhausting. Thanksgiving went off without a hitch, Friday was spent shopping (at 6am at Walmart - don't ask), Lunch with JJ at Black ANgus (WONDERFUL - Thanks JJ!!), Saturday was cleaning and a little socializing and Sunday I crashed. I finally hit bottom, physically and emotionally.

Lindi told me last night that she has been fighting early osteoarthritis for the last 6 months. Talk about scarey. It explains a lot of her behaviours that I have been questioning, and now we are looking for alternative treatments since nothng seems to work. She is in constant pain. I am so scared.

I am in a strange place right now. I am trying to keep up with all my social events and have decided that I am hurt by actions of a few of my friends. I seem to be stretching my hands out and asking for a connection, and nothing is offered, almost like I don't exist anymore. I am tired. I have nothing else to give. I guess if someone really cares about me or what is going on with me, they will ask. Other than that, I hope no one expects me to initiate anything anymore. I am really tired of being slapped away.

I thought friendship was one of those things that went unspoken, a connection that withstands difficult times and forgives rather than attacks. Apparently not. I guess that is the way my friendship works to those outside, rather than friendship back to me.

I am done.